The top 5 reasons a woman wants to dance with a specific man
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fascination
Site Moderator
well...look...i am willing to give a dude fair credit for putting forth his very best effort...admittendly some women are difficult to please...note that my only requests very fairly simple and unambiguous...according to the subjective judgment of a particular lady at a particular moment in a particular context (of which the gent may be wholly or partially unaware).
I could follow up, but it would cause a lot of trouble.
fascination
Site Moderator
heck...I don't even need to feel treasured...just don't leer, hit on me, or tell me how to dance or apologize incessantly for your own dancing....smell good, don't be rude....don't even talk...smile, don't stink...all good....1, 2, 3...guy heaven
Joyful Dancer
New Member
Jumping in late in this post so I beg your forgiveness if any of my comments are overly redundant.
· The gentleman is just that, a gentleman.
· He acts as if he is having a good time and smiles while dancing (doesn’t have to smile at me even, just smiles in general)
· Nice clean appearance in grooming and attire.
· Is courteous of other dancers on the floor (no “showing off”, attempts good/proper floor craft etc)
· Walks me back to my seat and doesn’t just abandon me on the floor at the end of the dance. (A “Thank you for the dance” is always nice too)
· The gentleman is just that, a gentleman.
· He acts as if he is having a good time and smiles while dancing (doesn’t have to smile at me even, just smiles in general)
· Nice clean appearance in grooming and attire.
· Is courteous of other dancers on the floor (no “showing off”, attempts good/proper floor craft etc)
· Walks me back to my seat and doesn’t just abandon me on the floor at the end of the dance. (A “Thank you for the dance” is always nice too)
bastet
Active Member
Well- I already posted a response then screwed it up and lost it. But this is one of the main reasons a good attitude is on the top of my list for dancing witha certain guy.
Upshot is- yes the ladies do tend to be expected to accommodate in the dance, so why is it so much to expect to be treated without arrogance or accusation when something doesn't go right? That's so awfully rude. If I am expected to accommodate, and I accept that as part of this dance (though wish more guys could learn from Ampster. I am sure he gets paid back threefold for his lovely attitude from his partners) why should I not be expected to place ability to be gracious or cut someone slack, especially in the face of mistakes or other issues in my list of desirable traits? Or should I be expected to be treated like crap even when I'm seriously trying to accommodate? Because it does get done on a fairly regular basis to followers.
:rocker:
Yes... we are expected to do most, if not all, of the accommodating and adapting, and then when there is a problem or mistake, we are made to feel we are responsible for it occurring!
Meanwhile, we get flack for suggesting that attitude counts or that you consider us to be at as least important as you are yourself.
Is it any wonder that we get the impression that many guys are not willing to take their fair share of responsibility for the way the tanda goes and don't give a whit about how we feel afterwards?
There's a lot of bitterness on display here. I'm fairly certain that every
guy could talk about experiencing arrogant, impatient and intolerant ladies,
especially when they're in the uncomfortable zone of learning to lead
and trying to make something of the dance and the music.
It's a moot point whether men have the more difficult job because of leading.
If you accept that and the problems that men have in trying to lead ladies
of many different abilities, and for that matter styles, what is so wrong
for women to try and adapt more than men?
But this is all so negative. It's a partner dance of two halves,
each with a positive role to play. One doesn't work without the other.
Isn't it time to stop the insults and respect one another?
Can't speak for anyone else, but I wasn't all that bitter when I started the thread. In fact, I was trying to make my point with a slight tongue in cheek attitude. The resistant reaction to the simple concept is what is adding to my bitterness.
I'm sure there are women who are B****y and are every bit as bad as any man. But that's not what this thread was about. (You got a little heavy handed when you thought your thread was getting hijacked, so I can be heavy handed on keeping mine strictly on topic too.
)Women have to FOLLOW leaders of all different abilities and styles.. what's the difference?
Yes, I know leading is hard. I have tried to learn both leading and following. Let me tell ya, following is no easy walk in the park either. As to which is harder. yes.. a topic for another thread.
But being asked to accomodate is not the primary complaint... the issue is that we are expected to accommodate, and then we are blamed or expected to take all the responsibility for when things don't go as planned!
So we're trying our best to help out by being accommodating, and we get trashed anyway.
BTW - the fact that leading is hard is NO excuse for not being courteous to your partner. Most of us know it's hard. We aren't complaining that leaders make mistakes or have trouble.. we're complaining that so often leaders blame US for it or make us feel bad that it happened!
It can't be had both ways... if we are better able to adapt while dancing because of some reason or other, and leaders have all they can handle because leading is hard, its' not reasonable to feel that things going wrong are probably the fault of the follower! Nor is it reasonable to blame her for not being able to adapt easily or quickly if leaders don't feel that they should have to adapt at all. That means he's being critical of her for not being able to do that which he is not able to do either!
Oh there's a difference and I'm sure you know really.
I have no idea how to start comparisons of relative difficulties,
but I can tell you that it's the lady that gets the tangasm not the man.
I don't have to realise (realize?) any such thing. You have to realise that
you have the right to refuse a repeat of such behaviour. As far as I am concerned
the leader is far more to blame. The better he is the easier it is for him to work
around so-called mistakes. I like the concept that in tango there is no such thing
as being on the wrong foot. It's taken quite a while to get fluent enough to make
that a practicality and it's by no means perfect yet.
Odd that! I always feel bad when it goes wrong.
Actually these days, much less so as there's so many ways to get by.
But no, he shouldn't complain (assuming you don't either!) and make you feel bad.
I think you lost me - it's late. I'll take the blame . . . . .
fascination
Site Moderator
I would only note that on the thread where men state their preferences women haven't come on an nit picked every man's preferences ad nauseaum...I think a good deal of what we are seeing on this thread is a certain amount of justifiable frustration with certain inabilities to both comprehend and respect the honest answers from the female perspective...yes, some of them may seem ambiguous to some men, but I would maintain that that is not solely reserved to the subject of dance...I think there are a number of ladies who have answered in good faith and had their answers picked to death beyond the scope of usefulness and have become notably annoyed...admittedly, a few of them may need to monitor themselves a bit ...but the frustration is IMV, understandable
...but the frustration is IMV, understandableBut only if he makes her feel great! (getting back on topic and back to my original point) The tangasm only happens when he has a great attitude to go with his dancing
Thank you for helping me with my original point!
Thank you.. that's pretty much what the ladies on this thread have been trying to say.
The point I'm try to focus attention on is that there is a chasm between making her feel great and not complaining. Not complaining is easy. Making her feel great is tough and might require acting that goes beyond reality.
If I give my partner the idea that the dance was great, I want her to know that the dance really was great, and that I'm not just trying to make her feel great. If I say to my partner after a tanda that I might as well just go home now, I want her to think I really mean it. I don't want her to think it's something I say to all the ladies.
Who knows, maybe you would put me in this category.
Of course, I don't think of my dancing that way. I just try to dance with the best technique I can, doing my best to choose figures I can lead confidently and that I think my partner of the moment can follow, while staying on time and navigating the floor to avoid collisions or cutting off fellow leaders. Nonetheless, sometimes I really have a tough time leading some follows, to the point where we're not even making weight changes at the same time. In a case like that, it's not that I'm trying to show off technique and put her through paces. I'm making a good faith effort. But to really make her happy with the dance, might just take more skill and/or understanding than I've accumulated so far.
It has been my experience that some ladies take for granted that I have skill to provide a comfortable dance, and are upset if I don't, and ascribe personal motivations to my failure.
PS
I never suggest -- nor do I here -- that a failure in such a case might be the fault of my partner. Nor do I complain, nor do I fail to thank my partner for the dance.
PPS
Then there are other ladies who consistently say that they enjoy dancing with me. So to answer whether a woman wants to dance with a specific man -- I think the answer is linked not only to properties of the specific man, but to properties of the woman, as well.