Salsa > Bachata only with Significant Other?

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by lalagirl, Dec 21, 2010.

  1. lalagirl

    lalagirl New Member

    I got into an argument with my boyfriend the other day because I told him I danced bachata with a friend because he was teaching me salsa and I asked for a short bachata lesson.
    It was really enjoyable I loved it and I would love to learn more and dance it with others. I dont feel confortable dancing with someone I just met. I would dance with someone I feel comfortable with since its so close. Its mostly body to body contact right?

    New to the salsa scene :) salsa was a problem with my boyfriend for a while now hes ok with it. And he refuses to learn

    How does your significant other feel about dancing bachata? When does it cross the line?
  2. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Every relationship is different and with each so I had different boundaries. With each it was what worked for both of us together.

    And bachata can be danced with no body to body contact. I prefer body to body contact but only do it when the follower is comfortable with it as well.
  3. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    And welcome to danceforums lalagirl.
  4. nucat78

    nucat78 Active Member

    +1 One does not have to dance "dirty" bachata. I dance bachata with several ppl and the hold varies by how comfortable we are with each other.
  5. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    Same. Steer clear the guys who bring every girl in too close, they have more on their minds than dancing. But generally, it is just dancing. My SO and I both enjoy the occasional really hot bachata with a cute stranger, but we both recognize it is harmless fun. There's no jealousy. I do know guys who can't dance bachata with me if their gf is present.
  6. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    Where I dance, there looks to be three "kinds" of bachata:

    -dancing with stranger or acquaintance: usually little or no body contact
    -dancing with friend, with pro, or with fellow avid dancer who just wants to express the dance style: occasional or some body contact and some sexier looking moves but for musical, not personal purposes
    -dancing with significant other: could be some of the above or could range all the way up to grinding, depending on the couple ;)
  7. Ray Sison

    Ray Sison New Member

    With my friends, we dance it the first way--with little or no body contact...
  8. lalagirl

    lalagirl New Member

    Ok I can understand my boyfriend being jealous... it was very close.. But I felt very comfortable because he is my salsa teacher... hes not trying to grope me

    its really too bad I cant dance it with anyone because I ADORE bachata music,,...
  9. GTO Bruin

    GTO Bruin Member

    Jenny sums it up very nicely here. Of course when it's done well, number two LOOKS an awful lot like number three, and can be very steamy. It's the nature of the dance.
  10. Sometimes, even the slightest appearance of being too close can cause tongues to wag. For example, I started dancing Argentine Tango with my dance instructor, and we use a very close embrace. Whenever we have an AT group class, I don't dance that close with anyone else, including the other female instructors. And now, all of a sudden, people have started asking whether I have a crush on my teacher.

    Also, for bachata, there is a young female student who is around my age at the studio, who I have befriended. Whenever we have a bachata group class, I dance really close with her. She's constantly complaining about bachata being such a dirty dance, and whenever she complains verbally to me, I get a little closer, just to spite her. :razz::twisted: And she never complains that I'm dancing too close, just that bachata's such a "dirty, filthy, naughty" dance. She and I always have a good laugh about it. Again, I don't dance bachata that close with anyone else in the studio. (I haven't danced bachata with my primary instructor yet, so I'm not really sure how close I'd be dancing with her.) And again, now all of a sudden, people have started asking whether I have a crush on that student. (She's also married, btw, and not to me...)

    I guess my point is, it's really easy for people to think that a dance (especially AT and bachata) might be closer than it really is. With my dance teacher, our AT embrace really is extremely close, giving the appearance of her being plastered against my body... so I can understand people getting the wrong impression there. But for bachata, I'm not really dancing that close to my friend. It's just that my feet are usually at the same or slightly behind her feet (I'm kinda new to dance, so I don't really have the descriptive words, but if you dance bachata, you hopefully know what I mean). There's certainly no crotch-to-leg contact. But people again get the wrong impression, because like GTO said, it looks like number 3.

    As far as your boyfriend getting jealous with you dancing close to your teacher, it sounds like there might some trust/jealousy/misunderstanding issues that you should talk over with your BF, but to paraphrase what wonderwoman said in her last post, sometimes a dance is just a dance.
  11. DerekWeb

    DerekWeb Well-Known Member

    "because I told him"

    maybe you were looking for a jealous reaction, after all, you told him.
  12. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    I was talking to a friend from PR the other day. She said her ex boyfriend only accepted her dancing with old men! I teased her and told her that over here I would make sure she avoided certain old men...they are the problem....(they are a couple lecherous old fogeies around...) It all came about because she sighed and said that sometimes she wished she could be trully open. I said why not just do it, and she said I would only do it with my boyfriend, be trully open, let my feelings for the song and everything else just hang out...I believe in letting everything hang out when I find the need to do so...personally...
  13. nucat78

    nucat78 Active Member

    LOL! An asst teacher had a habit of putting her head on my shoulder when we danced AT. I always laughed at the expressions on watchers' faces. (She's young enough to be my daughter...)
  14. wonderwoman

    wonderwoman Well-Known Member

    A good friend of mine is "banned from dancing bachata in public". He always dances close and apparently it has been making his girlfriend very uncomfortable. From my understanding it was one instance in particular. I think it depends on the partner and how well you know them. She knows me and doesn't see me as any kind of threat. When I dance close with some people I feel attracted to them, but not with my friend. With him I feel very safe and comfortable and am able to forget about the world in those three minutes. Who would see anything wrong with that? Though unfortunately you can not read others' minds and know their intentions.
  15. Ray Sison

    Ray Sison New Member

    Dancing can involve (and create) such complex feelings...
  16. dancin/dj

    dancin/dj Member

    I teach bachata, i dont like the real close style, i dont teach that. i remember in milan italy dancing with a friend-she was all up on me real close(is she hot YES) but i did not feel comfortable with that, am i a prude NO im latin as in Italian-i know all about that stuff and feel it, but i prefer modest but sexy dancing, plus somepeople get too excited and show off with this stuff
  17. salsator2008

    salsator2008 New Member

    I really think Bachata is no different than Salsa. You don't have to dance it close and you can control how sensual a dance is. Sames goes with Salsa.
  18. carrigallen

    carrigallen New Member

    I think it may depend on the area of the country - more progressive areas like new york it seems more socially normal to dance maintaining appropriate body contact, whereas other areas like the midwest or south seem to be more reserved. I think of it like tango, the dance is more effective with a complete body connection. Nevertheless it is understandable that it could incite primordial cave-man responses in our spouses or significant others!
  19. basicarita

    basicarita Member

    I honestly think you men can be freer about that than us ladies.

    In addition to the "old fogey leches" of whom you speak, there is always someone waiting to misinterpret your actions.

    (And yes, we *do* have to care more about "what people think" -- because what someone might think might well lead him to try to assault us later.)

    I've read that men are often astounded by how much more we women have to think about our personal safety than they do. I think this might be another one of those times.
  20. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    I'm not going to tell anyone to dance close or not. But this is a circumstance where perceptions can matter just as much, if not more, than intentions. If you tell yourself "I'm not doing anything wrong...", then you obviously know someone else may think otherwise. And if that someone else is important to you, that matters.

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