General Dance Discussion > Ballroom Dancing Scene vs. Bar & Club Scene

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by VronskyWasSoVain, Oct 24, 2017.

  1. I wish I had discovered ballroom dance earlier in my life.

    In my late 20s and early 30s, I spent a great deal of time with my guy friends drinking and going to bars and occasionally clubs.

    Back when they were all single, they basically used me in order to have someone to go to bars with so they can meet girls. I fell victim to it because I genuinely loved drinking. I started drinking late in life. I didn't really discover alcohol till I was 25 or so. I know that's late but that's another story.

    I pretty much became an alcoholic. I never really became fat but I had this bloated look. Even though I put effort into exercise, it was inconsistent and the alcohol just cancelled any effort on that front.

    I also wasn't having any success with the ladies at the bars and clubs. I couldn't figure out why my friends were having more success than me. They didn't dance either. I seemed to be doing the same things they did but I never had any luck.

    Women in bars and clubs are standoffish and always seemed to be hanging out with the douchebags. The few good women were just interested in hanging out with their impenetrable circle of friends.

    In the odd few attempts where I did manage to strike up a conversation with a girl and get her number, we never ended up dating. In fact, one girl I got the number of, I invited her out one time and she ended up hooking up with one of my friends.

    Now that I think back, maybe it was no surprise. Even though I was a good guy with a successful career with a decent social life, I had no real passions except for drinking. My life basically consisted of me looking forward to the friday and saturday nights where I can go drink with friends at the pub. That was it.

    Over time, one by one my friends got married or into serious relationships. The final straw for me was when a relationship with this girl didn't work out. I was grasping at straws at that point because truthfully, I was never that into this girl but when you've never had much success with dating, you tend to settle for the first girl who shows interest. That's what I did and when things didn't work out with her, I was in a very, very dark place. To make matters worse, I was laid off by my company after successfully completing a challenging project. Even though the layoff had nothing to do with my performance and I wasn't the only one impacted, I felt betrayed. Basically all of this happened in 2016, a very dark year for me. This sparked off a period of introspection and re-evaluation.

    And that's when I revisited my natural interests in dance and music. These hobbies involve much more supportive environments where everyone is friendlier.

    I'm not in it for the purpose of hooking up. If I meet someone along the way, great but I'm in it for my own artistic journey.

    What's more. It's just a more pleasant environment to involve oneself even without the purpose of "hooking up." For instance, attending a social dance evening. There are women than men. The women there have bright attitudes and want to dance. Even if you suck, they appreciate the effort.

    You contrast this experience at a typical bar and club where the women are standoffish, arrogant, and even downright rude.

    The biggest thing is the cost. Even though attending dance school is expensive, I think I spent the same amount of money going out in my late 20s. I not only drank a lot on a given night and had to pay for drinks myself but also had to pay at times for friends and girls I was interested in. One night out could easily cost me $100 and I went out 1-2 times per week. That's easily how much I spend at my dance school except instead of getting a supportive environment, all I really got were hostility and rejection which damaged my self-confidence.

    If I'm not gonna hook up with any ladies, I'd at the very least rather get friendly vibes from them and dance with them any day.
  2. MaggieMoves

    MaggieMoves Well-Known Member

    I think it's more expensive than the pub... especially if you get into the competitive part of it. But at least you learn a skill out of it, it keeps you in shape, and puts many great people into your life you wouldn't have met otherwise. :)
    Requiem, Mr 4 styles and IndyLady like this.
  3. lol I'm assuming you're a lady? Ladies don't need to buy gentlemen drinks at the pub whereas a man who wants to meet girls at the pub needs to buy a girl a drink as an "in" and sometimes throughout the night he needs to do that multiple times. That adds up. Especially if the guy himself is a big drinker. And then after a night out drinking, he'll also eat out due to having the munchies late at night.
  4. FancyFeet

    FancyFeet Well-Known Member

    Yeah... competitive dancing is still more expensive. My monthly dance budget and monthly mortgage payment are about the same, and my dance budget is considered to be a modest one.

    But I'm glad that you've found something that is helping you to pull yourself out of that dark place. And I hope that the journey continues to be a positive one for you.
  5. snapdancer

    snapdancer Well-Known Member

    I've been dancing for 30 years. I learned early on that alcohol and suede leather does not mix well for me. Some people won't dance unless they have a few drinks first. Drinking doesn't improve dancing, but it will improve your opinion of your own dancing. Exception might be if someone is super tense, a bit of relaxation is needed but better if the relaxation is achieved through better self confidence resulting from practice.

    I did used to have a few drinks before bed time to relax. But that didn't really help my sleep. I believe that ending that practice resulted in a gradual 20 pound weight loss without resorting to extreme dieting or exercise. YMMV.
    Requiem, LateToTheDance and Borazine like this.
  6. I agree 100% with Snapdancer.

    Alcohol is fun but does not help my dancing - it only hinders it. And now that I am older, if I drink at all after 9 pm - even one beer - it makes for a less than great night's sleep. Oh well........
    Loki likes this.
  7. tangotime

    tangotime Well-Known Member

    In all my years,that's the first time I have heard that about alcohol .

    It actually is a depressant..
  8. davedove

    davedove Active Member

    I'll often say to people who make some comment about having to drink to dance: One drink may loosen you up , but after that you just start getting sloppy, although you'll think you're doing big things.:dancingbanana:
  9. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Alcohol binds to the GABA-receptor in the brain. The altered GABA-level leads to a stimulation of the serotonin-release. Serotonin is emotionally elevating, anti-depressant, and pain-relieving. (In mice anyway ;) )
  10. IndyLady

    IndyLady Well-Known Member

    This made me lol. :rofl:
    tangotime, RiseNFall and Mr 4 styles like this.
  11. So in my late 20s, I was easily spending $600 a month on going out which includes eating, drinking, etc. Now I go out maybe like once a month and two pints is enough for me.
    RiseNFall likes this.
  12. snapdancer

    snapdancer Well-Known Member

    Sort like something else I've determined: the more the lady drinks, the more handsome I become.
    RiseNFall likes this.
  13. True - it is a depressant. But go to a party or to a busy/fun bar, and I think in this context, it feels more like a source of fun than a depressant.
  14. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Well-Known Member

    Who says ladies don't need to buy gentlemen drinks at the pub?
    Last I checked it's 2017, and we are well past the male/female gender roles and stereotypes.
    I've bought drinks for guys- both professionally in a social setting and in a dance setting as well. I don't do social dancing, so I cannot speak to that. I've never had any problems with buying drinks. None of the guys I was with did either. It was just people having fun on the final night of their competition, or at the conclusion of a seminar etc...On the other hand, if anyone bought drinks for me, it was never assumed that I would end up in their hotel room that night. Maybe I've just been fortunate. YMMV..
  15. PaulBunyon

    PaulBunyon Active Member

    Thread Hi-Jack sorta
    This last New Years I went to a New Years Black and White Ball. It was in a large hotel utilizing 3 large ballrooms with DJ's in each. Around 3000 people in attendance. The marketing material had advertised that one room would be playing the classics from the 70s, 80s, and 90s, but in reality all 3 rooms were Electronic Dance Music simulating a contemporary Nightclub experience. Most of the those in attendance were less than half my age. I had two learnings over the course of the evening.
    1) Almost everyone on the dance floor held their drink in hand while they danced. My date explained to me that it's a safety measure. A drink in hand is much harder to tamper with. Once I understood that, I was much more accepting of the practice, but it was off putting at first experience. It also kept people from being able to exercise allot of freedom of movement.
    2) The last two generations never learned any dances and subsequently don't have much skill at moving to music. My generation learned in the Discotheques and the line dancing craze that followed it. I saw no evidence that the Gen X or Ys ever picked up any of those skills that permeated pop culture in my day (and my parents generation too).
  16. Yah so I didn't mean it's some sorta protocol that guys have to buy girls drinks. I'd love for girls to buy me drink hahaha but I guess I was never attractive enough for them to do so.

    When you're in a pub/club environment, the girls are more hostile and so average looking guys buy them drinks as a conversation starter and as an "in." It's lame I know. I'm glad I don't do this crap anymore now that i've found the dance scene.
  17. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    As an X'er I can tell you that any sort of dancing with a syllabus was very much "out" in the early 1980s. There were two forms of dancing: club free dancing, which was on its last legs even then, and slam dancing.:eek: Ballroom was something old people did; swing was something from the movies, and I had never heard of any Latin dance other than bossa nova, which was something my parents did when they were my age. It's kind of funny because the 12" EP extended dance mixes were a big thing -- but there wasn't very much actual dancing to them.

    Remember, we X'ers were the generation that raised ourselves. We had no pop-culture touchpoints from the past, except for the ones that we researched on our own. I had progressive rock, which I had found on my own as a teenager, and next to bebop is about the most non-danceable form of music there is.
  18. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Well-Known Member

    I don’t think what I’m talking about is the same thing you mention- I’ve got drinks for my guy friends who range in age from 25 to 80.
    I’m sure the pub/club environment is different. But it depends what you are looking for. The dance community seems to be more open and accepting of all types of people, whereas a millennial generation age group may be more focused on dating, attractiveness of the other party etc
    In any case, I will be happy to buy you a drink and have a good conversation!
  19. Yah it's all about attractiveness. Back in my pubbing days, my guy friends didn't really have to do anything. They didn't need to know how to dance or really dress well or even to be a great conversationalist. Somehow they managed to hook up with women. It never happened to me. I was like the invisible one. Nobody acknowledged my existence.

    The dance scene is much more welcoming and friendlier. Again, I'm not aiming to date but at least I don't feel as invisible and ignored. The girls seem happy to be asked to dance. I leave feeling happy instead of dejected.
  20. Xelebes

    Xelebes Member

    There comes a point in one's life where they ask themselves why they are still drinking in LA.

    I went to clubs. I enjoyed myself and burnt off some of that energy that I had when I was younger. But then the friends I used to go with no longer go and so I had to do other things to keep a circle of friends. I decided that dance was still important. So. . .

    As for cost, I didn't throw money around then and I don't throw money around today.

    As for the quality of dancing, eh. Syllabic dancing was ridden of a generation before me. You might have an MC who will prompt a specific circle event (twerking, bboy, jit) but usually it was unled. And that can mean that the dancing is simple and rudimentary and it can lead to the false sense that it was meant to be a meat market (okay, some sleazy clubs were just that.)

    As for the "buying girls drinks", that's by design of the sleazier clubs. They let as many girls in as they can and then be selective of the men. Since more men are looking to get in than women (gee, I wonder why), they can always count on this discrimination to keep things balanced. Girls are expected to have not much money but the guys are expected to be loaded and having them throw money around.

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