General Dance Discussion > (Dance) Partners: for better or worse

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by elisedance, Sep 6, 2007.

  1. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    :cheers: ............ :friend: ............ :argue: ............ :bkick:

    Its odd that dance forum does not have a thread dedicated to the thrills, spills and, yes, pills of a dance partnershp.

    It took me 6 years to find a dance partner (DP) - it seems harder to find a good fit than for a life partner. Of course, many partnerships start the other way round - marriage first and then developing a common interest.

    How did you meet your DP? How good a fit is it - physically, emotionally, financially or time-wise? Do you have issues with regards to paying for lessons? Fear of breaking up? Is your partner supportive on the floor or does he/she blame you for any errors? Do you work through challenges well or is it always a struggle? Looking for tips to find one? Or maybe you have several for social or practical reasons (one for each dance style?). Or maybe you have an issue with the coach treating the woman as an afterthougth?

    What about developing your partnershp? How do you get that magical look where the couple seem to be expressing a life-relationship through dance?

    Or maybe this issue is something you would rather not discuss here for fear of DP reading it!! Explaining, maybe, why there is no thread!
     
  2. meow

    meow New Member

    Hi ED. Can this thread also discuss past partnerships where most, if not all of the topics you have mentioned I can contribute to, or must it be a current partnership? And, I think it is a good idea for a thread, by the way.
     
  3. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    Hi there M. Sure - past partnerships and thier issues are very welcome though we should obviously avoid any retrospectives that are hurtful or stir up bad feelings - as for any thread.
     
  4. meow

    meow New Member

    Hey, I never mention names except my own. My name is Meow.
     
  5. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    re lessons. By way of background, I came to AM dancing from pro/am and my pro coach/parther is now one of our two amateur partnership (can I call that AP?) coaches. Since I took a lot of privates I am used to the full one hour attention of the coach. With AP lessons much of the attention is on the man and its easy to feel left out.

    So my question is how many APs continue to take private solo lessons? I am still doin the occasional one (I have one in a few hours...) but I am not sure my DP really approves. My reasoning is that to keep our partnership vibrant I think its good for the follower to be ahead of the curve.
     
  6. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    I hope you did not misinterpret my comment - it was meant just as a general one. Maybe I am being over-protective, but partnership issues can be come a bit too personal...

    On the other hand, maybe you were just being flip!
     
  7. meow

    meow New Member

    Yeh, I was being flip. In one of those moods today where I just want to be funny about everything. :banana: But will try now to be serious with this thread.

    I know of some AP's who still have single lessons for themselves. The reasons vary but I will mention onl;y the ones I know existed.
    1. Felt the need to catch up to partner
    2. Had difficulties with technique which required extra work which was unfair to take into joint lesson
    3. Learning a different style from what style competing with DP
    4. Just because they want to.

    It shouldn't be an issue for your DP unless he somehow feels that you are/may be better and move on from him. He needs reassurance so as not to feel threatened. Only a guess, though.
     
  8. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    I'm not sure if it bothers him - if there is an issue it may be because he wants me to not do pro/am any more. On that i am a bit mixed. I can't afford it actually but I also put a lot into it - I know pro/am gets its knocks, but for a woman to learn I doubt there is any better way than dancing full-time with a competing pro.

    If most of the joing lesson is dedicated to the leader then doesn't the follower run the danger of falling behind? Or - for me worse - of becoming dependent on DP for her training? How many followers feel they learn more from their DP than the coach?
    ON the other hand, maybe the attention we get in lessons will equalize more as we get more in tune with each other? Love to hear from anyone who has had a long-time parthership.

    And please don't get too serious M! Nothing worse than a somber thread....
     
  9. waltzgirl

    waltzgirl Active Member

    ed, why does your partner want you to quit pro-am? That seems unfair, if you can and want to do it.
     
  10. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    I'm not sure - in fact I am not sure that he even does though it is an impression that I got from a previous conversation. Maybe he wants me to be fully focussed on the parthership - and to be fair, I am ambivalent myself. It is far more important for me to develop the AP than to keep up the pro/am. Still, the latter is a bit like icing on the cake with its glamour aspects. We have not competed yet (two weeks :eek:) so I'm not sure how they will compare.
     
  11. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    you're competing for the first time in two weeks? how long have you two been together? what level will you be entering the field at first, ED?
     
  12. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    This happens to us too. I've just assumed that I must be a slow learner. :rolleyes: Interesting to hear that it happens to someone else.

    We do a mix of together and apart lessons. There are several reasons for this;

    1. As Elise states, our together lessons often wind up focusing on me. Sometimes she doesn't get very much out of it. If she takes a lesson on her own, then obviously all of the focus is on her, and she doesn't have to stand around waiting on me to figure out something.

    2. Our normal instructor is female. She dances the lead part decently, but by her own admission she's a better follow. It benefits my partner to sometimes take lessons with the male instructor, who is a better lead and also taller. And the dynamic's different -- he pushes her harder than either I or our regular instructor can.

    3. On the flip side of #1, I sometimes get more out of a solo lesson, in part because I don't feel guilty about taking up all of the time. :p And, when I'm trying to work out mechanics problems, it's easier for me to do it with an instructor who can give me more concrete feedback.

    4. Occasionally you need to whine about your partner to someone. ;)
     
  13. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    We've been together about 3 months now and will compete at gold. This is a Canada dancesport (IDSF sanctioned) event and one of the largest am comps here. And now I am officially nervous!
     
  14. suburbaknght

    suburbaknght Well-Known Member

    My first dedicated partner was a coworker. It didn't last as I was a lot more serious than she was. My current partner and I were simply assigned together by the studio.
     
  15. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    Still looking for a partner here, though not too hard at this point, with move coming up. Haven't had a whole lot of luck though, at least in our franchise studios, not many women in my age range who are looking for partners, or at least not for really competing. Most women my age are there as a wedding couple, or there as something to do with their boyfriend, etc. So both already have someone they are dancing with, and aren't looking to compete. Then of course there's the fact that most of rest around my age are the pros themselves, which doesn't exactly help. :)

    There are some exceptions, one of whom in particular looked promising, but true to form, she's now becoming a teacher, will be starting next week I think. She was also noticably more advanced than I am, so I was hesitant to bring it up at first, and now too late. C'est la vie.
     
  16. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    it's not just you guys... i had an AP for social rather than competitive purposes, but we did joint weekly lessons for a time with my pro. most of the time was spent on him. i recall my pro mentioning that this is common, and i had another AP last fall who also said it's common, because of the nature of leading. well... and men do learn this sort of stuff more slowly they also said... heh. :)
     
  17. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    that's very exciting!!!

    are you and your partner getting along... is it a comfortable fit psychologically? or do you frequently have to navigate some rough terrain when you work together?
     
  18. and123

    and123 Well-Known Member

    IME, 3 months is probably still the "honeymoon" phase :rolleyes: You don't start really b*tching and swearing at each other (and mean it!) until later, when that "perfect partner" isn't so perfect anymore. Initially, unless s/he is a real nut-job, you want to be nice and give the benefit of the doubt as well as not scare him/her off.
     
  19. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    There are a few issues but the important thing is that we do listen to each other, sometimes a bit begrudingly but we do do so and we always try to make the change suggested to see if it works. We have two very important similarities: the first is that we have very similiar goals - to compete and do (not to mention enjoy) what is necessary - that is take the necessary lessons and practice hard - to do well. And second, we both know how difficult it is to find a good partner with these traits that is also an excellent match (he's about 6'3" and I'm 5'10", we are both strong and slim - really not just a good but quite amazing). One other thing is that neither of us is young and we certainly both have a sense of the clock ticking and if we are to have any success in dancing it really has to be now - more motivation to make it work this time. So thus far it is going exceedingly - although I realize full well that we have not actually competed yet so there is a lot of virgin territory to cover. :)

    .
     
  20. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    i can appreciate the situation through your (plural) eyes. am wishing you a very successful partnership and competition experience.
    :)
     

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