Tango Argentino > Isn't Tango appropriate for married men or women ?

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Green, Oct 20, 2006.

  1. c955

    c955 New Member

    There are definitely a couple of milongas in BsAs where the organiser may be 'generous' to you with where they place you on your first visit, but if you don't dance much (if at all), that will certainly negatively influence your chances when you return.

    Good seats at a milonga are always at a premium. The more skilled/experienced dancers and/or the hardcore regulars will usually get the prime spots. There is a hierarchy of sorts. Fortunately though, everyone pays the same to get in (or at least no one gets charged more than the standard - some people will always get in free because...) Whereas, in other situations e.g. sports, the best seats will go to whoever pays the most, regardless of whether they have any genuine interest in the event.
     
  2. Vincenze

    Vincenze Member

    Why do you think those sitting ladies want to dance with that guy?

    Those ladies might have rejected his invitations in the past. Maybe, his dancing style is dynamic and athletic, and those "better dancers" prefer something simple. Some of ladies even block turns because they get dizzy.

    A younger dancer usually wants dynamic, even showy figures.
     
  3. sixela

    sixela Well-Known Member

    Ah, the innocence of youth... ;-).
     
  4. Gssh

    Gssh Well-Known Member

    I especially like the quotation marks are around "better dancers".
     
  5. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Those are good thoughts, and I appreciate your trying to find the most positive possible explanation.

    It's pretty obvious these ladies want to dance with him, they'll readily do so when he asks when my DW is not there. They'll also readily say yes to him when my DW is there, they just might have to wait several Tandas while he keeps trying over and over to get a dance with my wife, sitting out if he fails -- and then again later in the night wait several more Tandas when he keeps trying to get a 2nd dance with her, and sitting out when he fails. You'd think he'd learn after 10s of Milongas that I start and finish the night with her, but he tries then, too. There is more data I don't want to type up, but trust me this particular guy, um, let's say puts a very high value on dancing with my DW, to put a positive spin on it. :cool:
     
  6. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Wow, those BaAs milongas must be crowded. Thanks for the info, it is fun to learn. There is absolutely no problem spectating in my little area, indeed it happens that people will come and just watch.

    This is all good information for me, and helps me realize I'm not ready for BaAs yet (not that I was about to go). A better near term goal for me would be going to an out-of-state workshop -- I'm thinking maybe in 2019, you can't rush a good thing. :cool:
     
  7. chomsky

    chomsky Well-Known Member

    Where I come from it is appropriate. I guess it is culture-specific? Anyways, in my dancing experience being married makes no difference...
     
  8. Lois Donnay

    Lois Donnay Member

    After many years teaching, and watching couples bring tango into their lives, I know this much. There is no room for jealousy in tango. I know lots of couples where only one dances. If the other one isn't jealous, the partnership will survive. Where there is jealousy, the relationship dies.

    Why would one want to keep a person they loved from doing something they enjoyed? How can someone justify that to their best friend?
     
  9. itwillhappen

    itwillhappen Active Member

    And if I enjoy sex, does it make a difference?
     
    Lilly_of_the_valley likes this.
  10. newbie

    newbie Well-Known Member

    "- Darling, you won't be wearing THAT tie!
    - But sweetheart, this tie is from College. I love it!"


    Other way round, I lost countless regular followers after they met a non-tango guy.
     
  11. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Being honest, all those countless followers I`ve lost returned after two years, or so!
     
    itwillhappen likes this.
  12. SwingingAlong

    SwingingAlong Well-Known Member

    This, and:
    - that giving it up is a non-negotiable
    - that if she chooses not to dance with you, that she is always welcome to come and watch.

    I took this approach with my man. At first he didn't want to dance and didn't come to watch. Then my dance stories got him brave enough to try, and now he is learning, as well as watching me dance what he hasn't learnt yet with other people.

    haha I just joined in with an historic conversation:rofl: didn't realise it was that old!
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2017
    itwillhappen, chomsky and raindance like this.
  13. jantango

    jantango Active Member

    There is no reason that a true milonguero would disrespect a couple seated together. I wrote a post on my blog about the Ten Commandments of the Milongueros https://jantango.wordpress.com/2009/06/02/ten-commandments/ #7 Thou shalt not dance with another man's partner.

    That's why foreign women who travel to Buenos Aires with their husbands know they must enter and sit separately in the milonga if they want to dance with milongueros.
     
  14. itwillhappen

    itwillhappen Active Member

    Sounds as if it's not a thankful option for a tanguera to marry a well known milonguero.
    But as you mention a sentence of Ricardo Vidort at the bottom of that page - he told us in his last interview:
    That was ten years ago - I suppose the chances are not really high that many of them are still alive...
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2017
  15. sixela

    sixela Well-Known Member

    Why not? If they sit separately, then they sit separately.
     
  16. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    Some of them are married, and their wives dance. A lot of such couples go to some milongas together, to others separately. At milongas they go separately to some people may not even be aware that they are married. I only knew some of them were married when they lost a spouse. :(
     
  17. newbie

    newbie Well-Known Member

    Aren't they all dead? I remember you organized a collective lecture of sorts, with them lecturing a paying audience. And that was long ago.
    My question was more about the usual porteno.
    But hey, we'll see. My partner and her husband are over there for the next three weeks. Besides a deep love and tenderness and laughs and all, they share a passion for this dance.
     
    sixela likes this.
  18. Gssh

    Gssh Well-Known Member

    Note that a lot of dancers in BAs are perfectly willing to dance (and attempt all kinds of other things) with another mans partner if they feel they can get away with it - it is more a question of deniability. And if a couple is too obviously foreign/unfamiliar with the rules they might not even care about that.
     
  19. jantango

    jantango Active Member

    The recent post "Remembering them" on my blog is a list of names of those who passed on in the last eight years or so.


    I won't get into explaining the culture of the milonga and the milongueros. If you don't know the culture first hand, there is no point.

    Being "married" means something else to portenos. A wedding means two are married in the USA; a couple says they're married in Argentina without one.

    You're probably the only other person besides me who remembers plans for a Congreso Milonguero and then 9/11 happened.

    I can only comment on the older dancers in Buenos Aires, many of whom have danced tango all their lives. I never enter the milongas of the younger generation dancers. Milongueros viejos respect the codes to this day.

    Please tell your partner to get in touch with me. I'll send you a PM with my contact information.

    If you say so.
     
    sixela likes this.
  20. Gssh

    Gssh Well-Known Member

    I think there is worth in trying to explain it - i cherish the time i lived in BA immensly, and i think the culture of the milonga is a model for how to enjoy this dance in an civilized way for anywhere. It is finely tuned to give the best experience to the most people.
    But for people visiting i think it is also somewhat important to not overly romanticize it - the codigos exist because there are people who don't follow them, they provide tools for calling them out on it, and to protect oneself, because it is obvious when somebody disrespects them. Independent if the is BA or anywhere else, it is never the people who respect other people who are the problem.
     
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