General Dance Discussion > Jealous of SOdance partners

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by AirColor, Feb 26, 2017.

  1. AirColor

    AirColor Member

    Hi, so I have a girlfriend who's been dancing for a year and she recently started choreographing a ballroom routine with a beginner guy. As advanced dancers you can separate dancing with romance pretty well but I'm suspicious that guys who just started won't get that distinction, and I'm afraid the guy might just be using this as a way to get closer to my gf.. Is this an irrational fear? I hear a lot of "dancing is different from romance" comments from either follows or other advanced dancers, but I feel like the rule doesn't apply to single guys who just started dancing?
  2. raindance

    raindance Well-Known Member

    In the end the real issue isn't the dancing, it's whether or not you can trust your girlfriend. Any number of guys can do any number of things to try to get close to her, on the dance floor or off. The question is how will she react?

    I do agree beginners may be more likely to confuse these sorts of issues when they come up in early dance experiences. Your girlfriend, and other dancers, can help set appropriate expectations and boundaries for this newbie and other newbies along the way. There certainly can be a learning curve for this with some new dancers.

    Can you simply discuss this with her in a straightforward, rational way? Let her know your concerns about the other guy (and perhaps any new guys in the dance scene??), and ask how she plans to handle the issue if it comes up. She may be way ahead of you on this, and already have a plan in place. You won't know unless you talk about it. Hopefully talking about it openly will help ease your fears.
    danceronice, Requiem, Loki and 4 others like this.
  3. DanceMentor

    DanceMentor Administrator

    One thing is for sure, dancing can help us to work through some of the feelings we have about relationships with others. I think raindance gave an excellent reply. I hope that this challenge you are facing will only help you too improve. Of course we can't always control other people but we can learn so much from situations that we encounter in life.
  4. snapdancer

    snapdancer Well-Known Member

    If your GF is choreographing a routine after dancing only a year, then she must be pursuing a dance teaching path. Unless she's much above average in picking this up.

    If she's going to be a dance teacher, you'll need to get used to her dancing with other guys a lot.
  5. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Why are you concerned about that guy, Color? Your GF is a beginner as well, and she will be a beginner for 3 years, professional or not. It takes years to understand the underlying hidden rules of our communities.
  6. Loki

    Loki Well-Known Member

    IME, worrying about a relationship has never accomplished anything. If she stays, she stays and if she strays, she strays.

    Be the best person you can be, and leave the rest to God, karma, or Whatever.

    If your jealousy becomes a burden, change your thinking or get the heck out. You'll sleep better and drink less.
    QuickQuickSlow and raindance like this.
  7. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    Be the kind of boyfriend she doesn't want to cheat on. Either you trust her or you don't.
  8. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    much of life is about deciding whether or not someone is worth what they could cost you if they don't feel the same or similarly....and that is a pretty futile thing to try to figure out....what you have to do is say " can I let them be free and survive whatever happens?" and "do they mean enough to me to let go of my fears?"...because the quickest way to poison a relationship is to have it become an inquisition
    twnkltoz likes this.
  9. pascal

    pascal Active Member

    It does. Whatever the dance, a beginner leader is busy enough with the steps and the dance and the music and the memorizing.
  10. FancyFeet

    FancyFeet Well-Known Member

    ^ They may have started dancing to meet women, but in my experience, if they keep showing up beyond an initial introductory class or short package and/or start doing things like practicing, taking private lessons, performing... well, they're there for the dancing.

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