Tango Argentino > Not touchy feely

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Tango Distance, Mar 5, 2015.

  1. Didn't you have your fish billy with you?
     
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  2. dchester

    dchester Moderator Staff Member

    Yeah, funny stuff like this happens every now and then. Another approach you can take (not that it will work better, just different), is to keep lightening the embrace. I was at a practica a few years ago, when a follower was just doing her own thing (taking steps, not just embellishments), although she wasn't going fast. So I decided to go very open, when she started doing her thing. Eventually she stepped away and started doing "whatever", while I was just standing there looking at her, trying to figure out what was going on. I finally said something like, "What is this?". Then she stopped and said, "Weren't you leading this?", to which I replied, "No, I'm just standing here watching you".

    :wacky:
     
  3. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    Yes endurance exercise is a different animal. I spartan race 14milesviver terrain with obstacles. So this is a multi hour event as my cycling running and swimming
     
  4. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    ... nor a truncheon or a cricket bat... This was mano y mano!

    As long as I'm on lyrics streak from the hard rock music stream I had playing (caution the real version is NSFW):

    This quick parody I just whipped out came out somewhat dark! Don't worry TD fans, don't take it too seriously and realize it is a form of catharsis for the TD. As I was listening the parody lyrics just suddenly jumped out at me.

    "I Don't Like The Hugs (But Huggers Like Me)"

    I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
    I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs

    Dance life baby "we're Euro descent and our embrace is so so airy!"
    Dance life baby "he's not a toucher cause he's sober and he confesses here online!"

    You and I open embrace and we're ready to fall
    Raised to be respectful, taught that distance is all

    I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
    I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs
    I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
    I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs

    Dance life baby "God made space our ideal is space and for space we are praying"
    Dance life baby "I'm just a sample of a soul made to look just like a human being"
    Dance life baby "I'm somewhat rehabbed but I still do walks of shame"
    Dance life baby "we're talkshown and we're just shaking hands like lawyers at a murder trial"

    You and I open embrace and we're ready to fall
    Raised to be respectful, taught that distance is all

    I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
    I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs
    I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
    I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs

    There's a hole in my soul that I don't fill
    Because open space makes me feel fine

    I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
    I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs
    I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
    I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs
    I don't like the hugs, but huggers like me
    I don't like the hugs the hugs the hugs
     
  5. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    That's a good thought. My dance instructor suggested going to the middle of the floor if it happens again, and his assistant suggested just stand and let things fly.
    I bow in your general direction, spartan racing is real exercise! I had a coworker that did it.
     
  6. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    Lol thanks. You have to be a little crazy to do it.....guiltyo_O:beye:
     
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  7. Chrisa Assis

    Chrisa Assis Member

    hahahaha
    Oh you are in Tango trouble! haha
    You are now in that special category, of tango fun!
    Every time I got one of the leaders from my class to come out, at least one older lady would come by and ask them to dance, and they were so very happy dancing with them...I thought that it was because they were new to the community and the ladies wanted to encouraging and helpful BUT it wasn't that or not only that, because after a while all the leaders confessed that they were asked to do all the flashier more dynamic moves they knew including volcadas! Because those ladies really enjoyed it. They noticed that they can dance with maybe more power or with different dynamics and they wanted to get that different energy!
    So there you have it!
    It happens..! You are in Tango trouble, so make the best out of it! haha
     
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  8. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    I didn't even think of that. There is another data point. That night we had a rare situation where there were only two couples on the floor (DW and I being one of the couples), and there was a fairly large audience. DW and I were on fire, stepping quadruple time and flying from one end of the basketball court to the other. I think it was safe to say the applause was for us at the end! (That's the first time I recall being applauded like that. It had not occurred to me this lady might have seen that and thought she wanted a piece of super speed. I kept trying to slow her down, maybe I should have tried to see if she could keep up instead!

    Thanks CA for the insight!
     
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  9. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Sticky Shirt

    People that know me often give me a respectful distance. That preserves the status quo and maximizes my comfort level. A thankfully small number of people think if they hug me hard enough, for long enough, often enough, I'll be cured. While that is desensitizing to a degree, I am very uncomfortable and then try to avoid hugging situations with that person. There is a lady that knows my Tango touchy-feely issues well. She'll generally respect my boundaries but every couple of months she'll sneak something in that is quick enough, and/or playful enough, and/or future looking enough, that I get a tiny spot of "therapy" with only minor discomfort. The events are both quick and infrequent enough I don't avoid her and value her friendship. Examples include my asking her to please stay in open embrace. She dryly responded, "I'll try to hold myself back." She gave me a 100 millisecond surprise hug on the last note of a song. Another time she said something like "It's a step in the right direction but not as good as a hug" when I was trying to do gancho-style greetings with her rather than hugs -- she wisely made it a request for the future but made no move to hug me at that time.

    She was drinking a sticky drink and apologized for having a sticky right hand. I jokingly pantomimed trying to get my hand unstuck from hers. Showing a quick wit, she then said, "I think I spilled some on the front of my shirt!" and then "glued" herself to me in a close embrace! I responded "Of all people, this would happen to me!" BTW she is one of the few ladies with whom I'll now do a little bit of close embrace. To clarify, that is voluntary CE!
     
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  10. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    You are Supposed to be like Me!

    A female college friend expressed interest in trying Tango. She is similar to me in many ways, such as being a tech nerd and not a complete master of social situations. While riding to the Tango venue, I gave her a fast verbal crash course on Tango. Of course, being the TD, I included saying things like "You do not have to do close embrace. Feel free to tell a guy no if he tries." Her first day of Tango went really well, and the men were very good about asking her and showing her things. We practiced, which in itself was a different experience for me -- most people I dance with I meet through dance, not outside of dance. My friend and I practiced, and she suddenly announced "OK, let's do close embrace now." "What?" my mind screamed, "You are supposed to be like me!" I know I didn't have a big reaction, in that I didn't run from the room and she didn't ask "What's wrong?" so I think I reacted in a minimally observable way. We tried some close embrace, but it didn't go well -- I'm a CE amateur and apparently not really in a position to try it on someone's first day. She did seem to enjoy the open embrace part of the program.
     
  11. newbie

    newbie Well-Known Member

    Dialog between her and litterally all the other leaders she danced with beforehand:

    "- You're new here, aren't you?
    - Yep, and new to tango as well. I came with TD, we're friends.
    - Oh, you you came with TD... Wanna have some fun? After one or two dances with him, ask for a close embrace one."
     
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  12. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    Me thinks TD doth protest too much. I think it's a ploy. Look at all these ladies asking him for "close embrace" :eek: just teasing ya :D
     
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  13. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Ha! I didn't think of that, but it is possible!
    Hmmm... or maybe those same guys are setting up these other ladies, to quote Newbie, "to have some fun!"

    OK, enough frivolity and joking, time to get down to some numbers! At one venue, only about 1/4 of the ladies do close embrace. At other venues and workshops I have traveled to, it is almost all close embrace, and open embrace tends to be new people, experienced people doing it as a move, and yours truly.

    Roughly 1 in 10 ladies has boldly asked for CE (about 1/2 of those verbally and about 1/2 by unmistakable arm tugging).

    They must really like it to ask someone like me to do CE.

    Interesting thought.

    Another thought is perhaps they think I'll really like it... That's another interesting thought.

    Whew, I think I'll go back to thinking about something mentally less taxing for the TD, like famous unsolved math problems.
     
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  14. dchester

    dchester Moderator Staff Member

    They just might, you know.

    ;)

    You'd be famous if you could solve the integral for the sin(X squared).

    :D

    Unsolved.jpg
     
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  15. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Rats, substituting y=x**2 didn't give an instant answer. I have had fun beating on Goldbach's conjecture (even numbers >= 4 can always be given by the sum of prime numbers) and on the discovery of likely prime number chains. I'm not likely to ever be famous for math.

    That's OK, I do math like I do Tango -- give me quiet, unnoticed fun over putting me in the limelight.
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2017
  16. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Tactile Angst Detection and Comforting

    Upon commencing dancing, the lady seemed tense. She later went on a power-ocho streak worthy of the Flash. I tried stopping. I tried going in-phase with an ocho step. I tried going out-of-phase. I tried going towards her in the line of dance. I tried going against the line of dance. Finally, in sheer desperation, I exclaimed "How do I get you to stop?" The lady stopped and was panting, and gasped "You just had to stop." I didn't say anything, but hmmmmm, tried that. BTW this lady is extremely fit, so panting shows she was working very hard. She is normally an excellent follower. At the end of the tanda, she clung to me for a little bit. After the milonga, she was being held by someone and seemed sad about something. DW gave her a hug and since she seemed she needed a hug, TD gave her one, too. I'll confess some or even most of my motivation is it would have been more awkward to not do so. TD of two years ago would have kept walking. I might not have recognized her angst two years ago, but even if I had I would have judged my hugging angst to be the bigger and more important issue (very possibly true!). It was also interesting to detect being tense by touch at the beginning, by sight alone I would have missed it.

    BTW, has enyone else observed their dance partner trembling at the start of a tanda? I have seen this a few times. It usually goes away during the first song or after I gently rotate the free arm in a circle and say "You are tense, relax." Is this like beginner skier tenseness? Are these ladies having a Tango Distance moment?
     
  17. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    I actually do this myself sometimes. I used to attribute it to shots of espresso I drank before the practica, but I still do it sometimes before I get "warmed up."
    I'm not sure telling someone to not be nervous works so well.
     
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  18. RiseNFall

    RiseNFall Well-Known Member

    Usually, it's from general Fear of Failure and newness of the situation.
     
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  19. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    I am sometimes nervous dancing with someone I don't know well, especially if they're very good. I might tremble a bit until we get going.

    I'm kind of a basket case sometimes.
     
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  20. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Fascinating, I would never guess such a thing of the greats here at DF! You must really really like Tango if it sometimes starts with a tough moment for you.

    SP: What can I say, saying something like "You are tense, relax" has worked every time, the trembling stops and I can sense some draining away of the tension. I realize it might work with me but not as well for others. I also realize it might have worked a handful of times but not in general -- I'll try to think of the best way to handle it and appreciate suggestions. The trembling sometimes returns, but I think has always gone away by the end of the first song. Hmmm, never thought of the tanda system as being helpful to shy/introverted people before -- a song to get past one's fears, and then two songs to enjoy. It also has 1/3 as many new person interactions as dances where you switch every song. Oh oh, interesting thought for me: Maybe I could compress all my issues into the first song of the Tanda, and drop them for the rest of the Tanda... Interesting... Give myself "license" to worry however and then try to consciously drop it after the first song.

    RNF: That makes sense. The close proximity with Tango was my challenge, not so much an individual person. They were all an equal hurdle in my eyes, they were all not DW. I could see how dancing with someone the first time could be a challenge for some, I had not thought of it that way. Wow, the TD himself of all people has helped some ladies get through moments of their own -- I had not thought of that.

    twnklotz: I'm sure my Tango skill is not intimidating the ladies! FWIW I'm intimidated by the good ladies. I'm afraid I'll bore them. I am fortunate there are some very good ladies in my area that will practica or milonga with me and seem to honestly enjoy it.

    Even though it would be totally in character, I don't think I have trembled myself.

    Ladies, what is the most reassuring thing your partner can do at the start of a Tanda?
     

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