Not touchy feely

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Tango Distance, Mar 5, 2015.

  1. newbie

    newbie Well-Known Member

    Why, no.
    Tense, nervous, impatient, sometimes. Such as this lady a few weeks ago in a practise, who was just back from BsAs where she had attended privates with J. Balmaceda and was eager to show me.

    Julio, I feel for you.
  2. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    One thing you can do is, one you get her the embrace, take a big, deep breath and let it out. This will often cause her to do the same, and that often helps your body relax.
    Tango Distance and RiseNFall like this.
  3. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    One of my favorite partners can always tell if I had too much coffee that day. I'm more...excitable? Energetic? :)
    Tango Distance likes this.
  4. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Aw, Newbie, that must be because you are the kind of guy who puts the ladies at ease and are in possession of dance skills such that the ladies are beyond anxious to get things started. Hmmm, yet another interesting thought occurred to me. It could be confident Newbie gets confidence reflected back to him. Maybe coming across as less than 100% open to embracing, or some other less-than-perfect trait in me is getting reflected back to me. Look out, here comes another thought. This is another good reason to start at the beginning of the 1st song of a Tanda, asking during the cortina well beforehand could lead to even minutes of potentially awkward time waiting for that cortina to end.
    Sounds like good advice for the TD in any case!
    Trembling? :cool:
  5. Chrisa Assis

    Chrisa Assis Member

    BTW, has enyone else observed their dance partner trembling at the start of a tanda? I have seen this a few times. It usually goes away during the first song or after I gently rotate the free arm in a circle and say "You are tense, relax." Is this like beginner skier tenseness? Are these ladies having a Tango Distance moment?[/QUOTE]

    It might be because she was nervous, but to me trembling occurs because my legs and muscles are still cold. Or when I am too tired...

    Also, sometimes, in cases like this, action is much more comforting than words. Like you said, it looked like she needed a hug, maybe that is actually what would have made her stop while on the dancefloor. Consider, next time this happens--hopefully won't be in the near future--to come to pause, you can come back to your base, with feet together and only shift your weight from one foot the other. Then you try to relax your embrace, so she can relax as well. ;)
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  6. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Rationing Hugs

    I stood in front of one of my classmates at a practica and said goodbye. I think I could tell from her body language she would have enjoyed a hug, but I feel like I have only so many of them in me to give and walked away.

    OK, got to go with the plan. I walked up to a lady that is one of the few who knows my narrative. She is also one of the people I'll do CE with. I said "bye" and she quick jumped up and hugged me -- she knows me well enough to do more of a side hug and make it quick. I knew she would likely do that, so it was not really a surprise. I even facilitated it by walking up to her. I could have just left. I could tell by body language the lady next to her wanted a hug, too. Oh great, I wasn't ready for this, this wasn't part of the plan.

    No joke, I said, "I guess I have to hug you now, too." Had I the brains to stop there, it might have worked out OK. She might have interpreted it as "Oh boy! Lucky me! I just HAVE to to hug you right now!" But no, the TD dug himself in deeper and said "I shouldn't have said that." I turned it from benefit-of-the-doubt to no-doubt-I-don't-want-to-hug-you. :eggface: :oops::beye::sorry::pain: She didn't seem put off, but still jumped up and we did a brief hug.

    This hugging stuff is not something where I can just trust my instincts! I have to plan things out to some degree.

    I better appreciate the people earlier in my "Not Touchy Feely" thread that said they like the structured interaction dance can provide. I do find it interesting I'll dance with someone, even CE sometimes, but feel awkward about hugging even seconds later -- maybe it is that structured vs. unstructured thing.
  7. newbie

    newbie Well-Known Member

    That's the phenomenon referred to by World-of-Warcraft gamers as "taking aggro". When you target a foe, the whole group will attack you.
  8. Chrisa Assis

    Chrisa Assis Member

  9. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    One of my female colleagues walked by today and gave me one of her somewhat enigmatic smiles. Since we hadn't seen each other for a while, I patted her on the back. Then I said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't ask permission." She laughed.

    Well, I pretty much have learned to trust my instincts, whether casual touching or hugging. (Although I sometimes question myself mercilessly afterwards.)
    On the other hand, I've been working on this (tango wise and otherwise) for about 15 years, so I've had lots of practice.

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