Ballroom Dance > Partner - To Keep or Not To Keep

Discussion in 'Ballroom Dance' started by dancingirldancing, Aug 17, 2009.

  1. I am very confused about whether to stay or not with my current partner.

    We have been dancing roughly 6 months together even though only in exclusive partnership in the last 4 months or so.

    Everyone seems to think that DP is not good enough for me and are not shy to tell me blatantly. Thing ranges from coaches to judges to dancing peers.

    I even have a few boys telling me why I stay with my current DP and not break up and dance with them instead. A boy came up to me last weekend at the comp and offer me try out as he said DP made me look so bad at the comp. I was rather offended !

    I have been sitting down and thinking about the positive and negative of DP.

    Positive:
    - DP is hard working and diligent
    - DP is not argumentative
    - DP looks good on the floor (shallow I know but still ....)
    - DP has great work ethics
    - DP is fair esp reg finances

    Negative:
    - DP is a slow learner
    - DP have very short attention span
    - DP is impatient
    - DP does not like to think outside the box/conservative

    I really don't want to breakup with DP but I am wondering whether staying with him will be holding me back from both personal growth and competition result.

    What do you think ?
     
  2. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    Rhetorical questions:

    Do you have your own goals for your dancing?
    Do you know what you need to work on in your own dancing right now, to improve?
    Can you make progress on those things with your current partner?
    Are you able to measure your progress for yourself? Is it satisfactory?
    Do you get along, personally, with your current partner?

    If the answer to all those questions is "yes" -- then what's broken, that getting a new partner would fix?
     
  3. MultiFaceted Dancer

    MultiFaceted Dancer Active Member

    Why do you want to stay with him? Are you Afraid of the Challenges a New Partner will bring?
     
  4. and123

    and123 Well-Known Member

    If a partner is less skilled than I, personally that's not reason enough for me to dump him -- not without allowing a good amount of time to see how the partnership develops and grows. A dance partnership is a commitment, not a one-night-stand or a casual relationship. I don't feel it's wise to cut and run when things aren't ideal. But, that's just me. If the OP feels enough time has passed and a judgement can be made, that's different. And you have to ask yourself if the situation was reversed (you are the partner with lesser skill or experience), how would you prefer to be analyzed and treated in terms of determining whether the partnership should continue?
     
  5. MultiFaceted Dancer

    MultiFaceted Dancer Active Member

    It seems to me that quite a few people looking in -- to dancingirldancing and her partner have the same opinion especially ones more qualified trying to advise her based on thier experience,I think she should take stock and Rethink the Partnership
     
  6. two left feet_best

    two left feet_best New Member

    hey,

    i think u really hv to find out where u want to go with dancing, how important is to u... and if serious, talk to the guy, he'll understand and find each other same level partners :)

    best,
    a
     
  7. waltzguy

    waltzguy Active Member

    I think he has traits of a good partner.
     
  8. dbk

    dbk Well-Known Member

    Well, it really depends on what you want in your partnership.

    If you're willing to risk it, you might find a more skilled partner who will make you look good.

    Personally, I would keep the partner you have, if you have a good dancing relationship. That, I think, is a lot harder to find than some guy with good technique. I don't think you can dance well with a partner, no matter how good their technique, if you don't get along fantastically. Plus, you never know -- he might have a sudden 'growth spurt'.

    That said, there does come a point when a good relationship isn't enough to compensate for your partner lagging behind you and/or not committing as much as you. I've had it happen... I knew it was time to move on when the technique and commitment gap started to poison our dancing relationship.

    Short answer? Just ask yourself if you're happy and fulfilled by the partnership.
     
  9. Gorme

    Gorme Active Member

    Keep him. Most of the negatives that you listed will improve as he matures as a dancer. At the same time, you can try out with other leaders (as a practice partner) to see how you might get along. You just might find another person who you can get along equally well, but with lesser shortcomings than your current partner.
     
  10. 3wishes

    3wishes Well-Known Member

    DancingGirl, DL posted some very sound questions. Only you know if your satisfied in the dance partnership. Give it time, your partnership is young - 6 months. Not everyone learns and applies the craft at the same rate of speed. Keep working on your lessons, coachings and making the partnership just that. You are luckier than most, your dance partner has many positives going for him. You will see more positives in the future that possibly others don't see, if they had your eyes and what you see in your partner - the negatives may be minimal at best.
     
  11. fire_dancer

    fire_dancer New Member

    Does DP know that he is behind you, in terms of dancing ability? If so, it may be worth sitting down with him and discussing what level you'd both like to be competitive at, and then seeing if he'd be open to doing additional training (group lessons, privates, coachings) on his own. It may mean that he's putting in twice as much work for a little bit, but in the end it may serve to bring your levels closer together.

    I always hate to see a good partnership end, where two people are very compatible personality-wise. It's harder to find than you think! :)
     
  12. Sash

    Sash New Member

    Boys, those who don't have partners, do this all the time, I mean in terms of chasing good girls. 6 months is in no way is a good amount of time to know someones potential and you even said he looks good on the floor. I doubt there are any partnerships where both are equal. From what I've seen girls who ditch partners never end up getting anything better in the long run. Stick it out, If you get along with your partner, well that's hard to find.
     
  13. and123

    and123 Well-Known Member

    Amen.
     
  14. emkey

    emkey New Member

    ... the hardworking part is probably the best factor I see in that list.

    I'd suggest you keep him but then tell him what you guys need to work on together and as individuals. Partnerships are also about helping each other out. The fact that he's a hardworker will probably be good specially if you take him through extra excercises and stuff
     
  15. fire_dancer

    fire_dancer New Member

    I agree - hardworking is a rare trait!
     
  16. chica latina

    chica latina New Member

    Are you personally involved w partner?
    IF not, does any teacher has seen some potential on him?
    Are lessons usually just to work on him, or do you get attention as well? I'll make sure the teacher you are working with, pushes you as well.

    Seems like he's great to work with... but when partnerships are off-balance it's more difficult and easy to get frustrated; specially if there isn't anything else keeping you together. I've heard some top people saying "you can only be as good as your male partner let's you to be".
     
  17. latingal

    latingal Well-Known Member

    Welcome to DF Sash!
     
  18. Standarddancer

    Standarddancer Well-Known Member

    If a lot of coaches & judges already noticed he’s not compatible with you and explicitly expressed their opinion to you, this would concern me. Do you have a regular coach whom you trust? Would you have a discussion with him or her regarding this issue?
    Regarding those boys who aggressively approached you, are they better level? Better results, more experienced? Currently have no partners? Do they look good on the floor as well? Are they fast learners? Maybe worth a conversation with their coaches as well. Are they your competitors? If they are competitors, just be careful, sometimes people do so to split up a good couple, there’s nothing they could do to beat you, but to say negative things about you and make you emotionally feel bad about each other.
    However I do agree with others that 6 months is a way too short time to evaluate someone’s potential, should give the partnership more time to develop. Does he know his behind? You said he’s financially okay, so is he willing to spend some extra money and time take lessons by himself to improve?
     
  19. waltzguy

    waltzguy Active Member

    Exactly!
     
  20. soshedances

    soshedances Active Member

    IMO, there are many reasons to keep a partnership and few reasons to end it. To me, a successful partnership is one where both partners have the same goals and expectations, and their personalities are compatible so they can work together without excessive fighting.

    I can't see the relationship that the two of you have...but if your goals and expectations are the same, and your personalities are compatible, I think that has the makings of a pretty good partnership.




    ETA: DP and I are vastly different people...but we have a pretty good partnership. Though if you asked me about our partnership 6 months into it, I wasn't so sure. :rolleyes:
     

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