Dancers Anonymous > pygmalion's dating advice thread

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by pygmalion, Jun 11, 2010.

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  1. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    When you know yourself and know what you're looking for,
    then your chances of finding them, and happiness, is assured.

    When you only know yourself OR what you're looking for,
    then your chances of finding them is but half.

    When you don't know yourself or who you're looking for,
    then what exactly are you looking for?

  2. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    Disagree that knowing oneself and knowing what we want assures success. All it does is take us out of the zone of assured failure (failure that's counteracted only by luck)
  3. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Frightening, innit?:D
  4. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the Peaches-DH household! That's how we go about...most everything. Including our relationship.

    I must have [blah].
    I absolutely will not tolerate [blah].
    Everything else is up for grabs.
    Where do you stand, and how do we make it work from here.

    It works for us.


    Pondering your other questions. Will be back, but still pondering.
  5. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    I find that looking for something in particular filters out that which might delight you, but that you would never have thought of looking for...
  6. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    Into where?

  7. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    I found it. I think it really helps to have thoroughly learned your lessons from the first time around.
    Well, I think it's good to have some preferred form of entertainment in common. I also think it can be challenging if one partner has a time and/or money consuming hobby that the other doesn't enjoy. (Dancing?) Also, if one of the partners has a potentially dangerous hobby that both don't enjoy, that can be a stress on the relationship.
  8. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Re: the guy. Rich, handsome and funny is a definite possibility. None of those things is necessarily incompatible with one another. Re: the girl, you're talking different underlying values/attitudes/personality traits. Not saying it isn't possible, just less likely. But anything is possible.

    Nothing wrong with idealism. So long as you don't pass up the good or great things right in front of your nose in search of a possible perfect thing out there somewhere.
  9. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hmm. Must ponder this. I do see what you're saying.

    I think that my psych (quite rightly) suggested this exercise for me, to help me wrap my mind around the self-defeating habit I had of accepting any and every behavior, in the name of love. He wanted me to start understanding where my boundaries are and give myself permission to set them, even with people I care about.

    That's different than what you're suggesting. I think that you have to be very healthy to be open to all the possibilities, the same as you have to be mature and confident, to stand in the face of criticism or anger without becoming defensive.
  10. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    I would say that rather than being open to everything, I have spent enough time working on myself to trust what I feel, and putting reason to it later. I didn't look for anything in particular, I just did a lot of looking, and found something that I liked. I did a lot of looking, and saw plenty that I didn't like.

    I had become pretty fearless about relationships. So I interacted with many ladies, and just satisfied my basic curiosity about each of them. I would take the relationships to the the point where we were both comfortable, and it was OK if it didn't "go all the way", they were enjoyable for what they were. With one, we found there was no point beyond which we didn't want to share any more, even if there were, and still are, some challenges.
  11. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I hear you and think we're saying the same thing from different angles. What I used to say about the ex (back when ... ya know ... I liked him :lol: ) is that love, when it comes along, won't look anything like what you expected. That's what I mean by being open. If I have an iron-clad list of what love MUST be, then it's very likely I'll be looking at it but not see it.
  12. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    Into a place with _potential_ for success.

    A better way to put it is to call knowledge of oneself and what we seek a necessary condition, but not a sufficient condition, for success.
  13. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    There is a subculture of engineer-artists - burners - who fit this mould well. It has a huge overlap with other subcultures like rave, new age spirituality etc. I'm not involved in any of these, yet being part of that community is likely to be good for me overall - both wrt being around like minded people and also for relationships. The challenge is that while I enjoy those ethos, very little of that lifestyle suits me. I'm looking for common ground and ways in which I can make friends while not straying too far out of my comfort zone in one big leap...
  14. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    Heh... I would love to argue this several different ways and come up with twice the arguments, no resolution, and a headache (from banging my head on the keyboard) to boot :)

    But I think the thread's suffered enough to agree to disagree... and I'll leave it at that... :)

  15. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Oh hell! I would have loved to witness and participate in the argument, but, as usual, you're probably right, max. Now is not the time. However, I will resurrect this one day when you least expect it. :wink: :lol:
  16. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    that sounds like a great holiday weekend discussion. especially when everyone's cranky from dealing with family. biggest drinking day of the year coming up! ;)
  17. Subliminal

    Subliminal Well-Known Member

    For what its worth, I agree. There is no such thing as a sure thing. You can do everything right in this life and still get clobbered by chance. The best you can do is manage the variables.
  18. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    black swans
  19. Subliminal

    Subliminal Well-Known Member

  20. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    Of course there is... :)

    Sun rise from the east
    A child's unconditional love
    The warmth of the monsoon rain

    The universe can be how we look at it.
    We could look at it from the uncertainty of chaos,
    the cold logic of mathematics,
    the irony of luck,
    the rigidity of dogma and the blindness of faith
    the fluidity of temporal theory,
    or the polarity of yin and yang.

    One argument that can be posed: If there is such a thing as assured failure, doesn't it presuppose that there is such a thing as assured success?

    Does arguing an absolute for one allow the absolute existence of the opposite other, or does it not? Isn't that the heisen-something-something principle? :)

    Would arguing gradient possibility (ie potential, in all its glorious variables) allow the same for the opposite other end of that spectrum?...hmmm...

    Let's spoil it a little more: LUCK. We can say that in every path to failure is a seed of success. Is that seed luck? And does the existence of that seed now change that path into the path to success?

    And finally, let's make it really crazy.
    What if that path of assured failure, sitting underneath the path of success, was actually a mobius?

    And if time moves forward in this universe, is there indeed another where it moves backwards?

    If one allows that, then is there another universe where only absolutes exist?

    What if these universes were actually a mobius? So it would follow that those universes were actually one, but many?

    What if the past seven days were simply the craziest in my life, and now it's really scary to be in my head... hmmmm....

    Sorry to carry on. I know I said I wouldn't discuss--perhaps pyg can bring this up (ambush-style) some other day as promised, when I'm actually lucid. :)

    In the meantime, with that blown gasket known as my brain, ladies and gentlemen, I bid you all a good night.

    The zen that is my bed beckons.

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