This is partly for fun, partly based on various responses I've overheard or gotten myself. Canaro - Canaro was a sellout, and you're a sellout for liking him. I bet you love Starbucks and watching reruns of Friends. D'arienzo - If you need the beat screamed at you and hate layers, sure. You must be a beginner. Di Sarli - This is what orchestra people say when they don't know what to say. Boring and predictable. Troilo - A hipster's answer. You're trying to appear knowledgeable and as an advanced dancer. You pretend to "get" Troilo and talk about his "nuanced layers." Your ruse isn't fooling anyone. Pugliese - Of course you like Pugliese. Everyone likes Pugliese. I bet you also loooove gaunchos and volcadas, and the beat is a mystery to you. Biagi - You like to memorize strange beat patterns then make your partner feel bad when they "can't follow/lead them." Donato - Do you even understand what tango is about? It's about soul-crushing sadness, not all this silly happy, upbeat mess. Fresedo - Worse than Donato. I don't want to get diabetes while I dance. Tanturi/Calo/Demare - This answer is actually acceptable. Laurenz - What, did you listen to Alma de Bohemio once? De Angelis - I hope you're joking. How can you stand those violins? It's like sucking on a lemon. OTV/De Caro/Firpo/Lomuto - Aw, grandpa over here loves to tango, if by "tango" you mean shuffling around the floor for 12 minutes. D'Agostino - All of his music sounds the same. Your typical breakfast is unbuttered toast with plain oatmeal, and you like to tell stories no one cares about. Rodriguez - You know he's almost never played in Buenos Aires right? Piazzolla - Get out.